"Our Own"

I was just reading an article about national adoption day. People were leaving their thoughts on the article and I was amazed at how many people were commenting on families adopting "other" children. How there are so many American children to adopt and we should take care of "our own" before caring about other countries kids. People chastising couples/families for international adoption. I get so angry about the ignorance on this topic and the xenophobia.



As I mentioned in an earlier entry, this has been one of the most frustrating questions we get from well-wishers "haven't you considered domestic adoption?" The sarcastic side of me wants to say "gosh, we never thought of that, thanks for such a great suggestion. In all of our struggles, discussions, research, meetings with social workers, meetings with adoption agencies, meetings with doctors, on our journey to having a family - we plum forgot to look at that option!" But what always comes out instead is "yes, we did look at that option, but it wasn't right for us." Then what comes next is usually some version of a story about someone they know who signed up for domestic adoption and within 3 weeks had a newborn (Caucasian) at home and how they lived happily ever after.



Ugghhh. Okay the reality is that does happen on rare occasions -usually through a church or some type of connection to the birthmother, but more often in domestic adoption people go onto long lists of waiting families. They write passionate letters to birth mothers hoping they will pick them. Then begins the long legal court battle with story after story of birth parents coming back for their children or other relatives fighting for custody even after the adopted parents have cared for the baby for months. What also turned us off here in the states was that different babies cost different amounts - white baby girls are the highest in demand and the most expensive, black baby boys are the least in demand and the least expensive. Isn't that sick, sick, sick. This doesn't take into account the higher proportion of alcohol and drug exposed babies in the U.S. Frustrated with the lack of domestic adoptions - criticize the system and domestic policies - not those adopting.



As first time parents we felt it was better to go the international route - for the most part it is more dependable and predictable, although it is of course not without it's unexpected hurdles. A child is a child to us. We take the responsibility of honoring our future child's country of origin very seriously - but they will be no less an American then a child born here and they will be no less our child then one we could have adopted domestically.



I guess these are the opportunies for growth that we are given. The times when life allows us another chance to be kind when we want to scream, to smile when we want to scowl, to breathe deep and pause instead of quickly answering to make a point. In fact I think I will go do some deep breathing now...